What am I?! A Pop Tart!? No? I'm Tee Pee Man. I can build a tee pee fire like nobody's business. Going back to my days as a boy camper I learned that...Fuck Fate! Fate doesn't exist. Luck! Luck is it but nobody wants to admit it. Luck and hard work at being lucky. I work harder than anyone at being lucky. We work hard to save you money. Whoo! That spit did a lot. I'm not the corner piece! I'm the chewy, middle part...chewy, fruity, tart, ya know...Pop Tart. Gimme some of that wine campfire girl. Nobody wants to admit luck. People desire control. True? Yes! Fate, karma, coincidence and synchronicity are all words to describe not admitting luck. Start from the beginning. What am I? A Pop Tart? Yes, but a Pop Tart with his thumbs in the air. Thumbs up!! Lucky Pop Tart! People are nervous. They believe in consequence, but if you believe in luck, consequence should be insignificant. Why?! Because if you're lucky, there is no consequence. Luck and consequence are two words that don't really belong in the same sentence. If you have good luck there's no consequence. If you have bad luck then consequence is severe, but you can't call it consequence. You call it bad luck, Pop Tart. Do you hate or love philosophy? Oh! Oh! Pop Tart sweat. Pop Tart perspiration. I often laugh at myself and my own jokes. That explains me. I am funny. I am a legend in my own mind. All that matters is that I'm funny. Consequence, fate, luck. No matter as long as I am funny. Just funny. Mike's Corner is funny. Mike's Corner is truly legendary. Fuck Mike! He thinks he's funny. I hate Mike's Corner. If you think Mike's Corner is funny raise your hand. See Mike,nobody thinks your corner is funny. If you think Fish's Forum is funny raise your hand. See!! Everyone likes Fish's Forum. Let's all chant! Fuck Mike. Fuck Mike. No...Really, man, I love you. Is this stupid? No! It's funny. Cause I'm Tee Pee Man! I can spit so far!! I can spit farther than anyone out there. Wanna bet?! When I spit, I can taste the eggroll I ate hours ago! How far back can you taste?! Can you taste distance in your peptic juices? Have you ever squoze Pop Tart juices? Has this gone too far? I'd say so. Let us all dance around the Tee Pee and spit straight into the air in a ritual for forgiveness. Why? Because no one can help you if you don't help yourself, but you still need luck. No matter how sturdy you build your boat you still pray for good weather. Overconfidence can kill your luck. Underconfidence can bring luck or keep it away. Graceful acknowledgment of luck without pretension attracts luck best. Once you do this you are embracing the notion that things happen to you which you have no (and when I say no I mean none!) control over. Then you can go about your life in a less fearful, escapist manner, because you won't be wasting energy trying to prepare for or run from the things you have no control over and you will have more energy for doing everything that is in your control to make your life what you want it to be and you will become a luck magnet. So drink your peptic juices and eat 3 square Pop Tarts a day and good luck to you. There the ritual is done. It was a particularly good tee pee dance today. If we're lucky we'll be forgiven.