Hello. My name is Peter Fedex. I was BORN in Petertown, Mississippi. This is my first time in line at the grocery store. The other times I needed food, I decided to call my friend Frank, whereupon Frank WENT shopping for me. So here I am waiting for the purchase of food at Crapmart. Only several items got shoved by me into my pocket for: shoplifting. I decided not to pay for them. That's because I decided they should be available to me for free. Unfortunately, a man in a large store-smock is approaching me with a look of vengeance.

"Are there items in your pocket?" He inquired. "Items that may not have been there when you entered our establishment?"

Now, I can't deal with this sort of accusation, so, like, I'm running now in the direction of the exit. Which reminds me of a video I saw on employee theft. It wasn't really my video; I stole it from the company I used to work for. I'm wondering if the gentleman running after me has ever considered "employee theft." He seems cut out for it. He probably has some stuff in his pocket too. He's probably just looking for an excuse to go outside to his car and stash the light bulbs, and anything else he may have lifted. Had he seen the video, I'm thinking, he may have thought twice about committing such a heinous crime. How can a company expect to be profitable in this situation? It's way unfair to the company itself. They hire him expecting him to look out for his establishment, not create an annoyance himself. Now he has become a traitor. And this I find disheartening, even as a customer. Oh-there's the exit door; thank God. I'm almost home free. So sleazebag is still following me and yelling stuff about what I may or MAY NOT have in my pocket. Peter Fedex does not take lightly to this kind of harassment. If I had time I would fill out a comment card and drop it in the box.

The only thing I have to say is that it's too bad I didn't get to pay for the items left at the cash register line. I spent a lot of my time locating them from various shelves. Oh well; it's just that I don't normally do this stuff; I prefer to leave the shopping to my friend Frank.